What's Love Got to Do With It?

A Guide to Modern Love

Archive for the category “Lesson # 6: Dress Appropriately”

Beauty is Skin Deep

When it comes to relationships, (external and physical) beauty is skin deep.  Period.  The fact of the matter is looks do not matter when it comes to marriage and infidelity.  That is the truth.  Physical appearances go out the window when a man decides to marry you or cheat on you.

Commonly, a man dates several women at the same time during the early stages.  The woman he marries is rarely the most physically attractive of the bunch.  This is because men, too, go through an “evaluation process” when deciding on who they are going to spend the rest of their lives with.  A family friend once said, “Men have simple tastes but complex needs.”  Physical appearances fall into the “simple tastes” category.

As for infidelity, do you ever notice that if a man cheats on his wife, he usually cheats “down”?  In other words, nine times out of ten, the appearance of the mistress falls short to that of the wife.  The JFKs of the world are rare finds.  Generally, men who cheat do so with women who are convenient to them.  Bill Clinton, Prince Charles, and Tiger Woods are just a few examples.

Here’s the moral of story.  Women need to stop obsessing over their looks and appearances and have more confidence in their own beings.  Your persona and personality are what seal the deal.  Also, the fact remains that there is someone for everyone.  We all have “types” and not all of us find the same qualities appealing.  That’s what makes life so beautiful.


She’s a Brick House

In addition to the question, “Can I come home to this man every day for the rest of my life and be happy?”, another question women must ask themselves throughout the early stages of dating is “Do I want to be this man’s wife or his girlfriend?” 

I say this because women often lose sight of they truly want (a secure, stable, and loving relationship) during the heat of the moment in dating.

Lesson # 6:  Dress Appropriately

What does dressing appropriately mean?  It means that there is a time and place for everything.  During the early stages of dating, dress a bit more conservatively relative to baring it all.  No, this does not mean that you should dress like a nun.  But do keep in mind that men tend to be not only visual creatures, but also simple creatures when it comes to making snap judgements when dating.  Now, listen (or read) closely because here it comes–men know very early on in the relationship whether you are “short term only” or “long term potential”.  They may not say it (because they still want the company of women) but they know (generally, within three to six months).  What does this have to do with your wardrobe (in addition to your attitude and personality)?  Plenty.

When you dress too revealing in the early stages of dating, it can be a turn off.  Not sexually, mind you (every man enjoys ogling a scantily clad woman).  Just emotionally and intellectually.  First, men like the idea of their sweethearts baring it all only and just for them.  Call it being selfish if you’d like, but that’s the consensus.  Men throughout time have had the “virgin-whore” mindset when it comes to women.  Simply, there are women you date and women you marry.  John F. Kennedy, for example, was the biggest proponent of this notion.  No matter how ravishing and seductive Marilyn was, in the end, she was no match for Jackie.  That’s the bottom line, ladies.  Second, men marry women they respect.  Period.  A man wants other qualities and attributes of you to shine, not just your physical ones.  In a nutshell, many men have a tendency to be quick to associate women and revealing clothing to sex.  It’s not right, it’s just their perception (early on when they know very little about you).  First impressions are often lasting impressions.  Don’t make the mistake of being categorized as “short term only” when you want to be categorized as “the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with”.

Note that I use the terms “revealing” and “scantily clad” above and not “sexy”.  Being sexy has more to do with your persona, attitude, and personality rather than the clothes on (or off) your back.  Remember that the key isn’t to catch a man’s attention, it’s to keep it (for better or worse).

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