What's Love Got to Do With It?

A Guide to Modern Love

Archive for the category “Lesson # 1: Choose Wisely”

Big Brother

To go along with my previous post, I would go so far to argue that you should date a man who has younger siblings.  I actually like this “rule” more so than Lesson # 11 (Date Men Who Have Sisters).

Lesson # 12:  Date Men Who Are the Oldest/Older Siblings

I may be biased (as I’m the oldest sibling in my family) but the reason for this is because older siblings tend to be less self-centered (not necessarily less selfish) and more accustomed to sharing things (whether they like to or not), in addition to having more of a protective instinct (all of which are desirable qualities in a man).  Lets face it, people who are older siblings grew up with the notion of sharing and protecting as part of their upbringing.  In addition to being used as guinea pigs by their parents, older siblings are also more apt to put things into perspective (as they’ve “gotten it from all sides”–grief from the parents, setting an example for younger siblings, coming into their own, etc.).

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Sister Act

Although this next rule isn’t “required”, it should be heavily considered for those who prefer generous partners:

Lesson #11: Date Men Who Have Sisters

Studies show that the more female family members a man has, the more generous and “warm” he is as a person.  Perhaps many boys grow to become protective of their sisters.  Who knows?  My observation has shown me that men who have sisters tend to be more giving as people.

Less Talking, More Watching

Men often say that women talk too much.  I agree.  When it comes to dating, women do talk too much.  Women must learn that when they take the time (and patience) to observe men during the early stages of relationships, this will take much of the guesswork (along with the heartache and agony) out of dating.  What’s left is dating without all the fillers and artificial ingredients.  By watching how a man behaves (rather than listening to the words he says), you can learn just about all you need to know to make an educated decision.

All in the Family

When it comes to dating, it’s best to meet your significant other’s parents (particularly father) early on in the relationship because as the saying goes, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”.

Fathers play an extremely important role in romantic relationships. How? Men learn how to be husbands from their fathers. Women learn about the type of men they want (or don’t want) from their fathers. As children, we watch and learn about male and female dynamics through our observations of mummy and daddy. Watching how dad treats mom (and other women) teaches a boy a lifetime of lessons on how to interact with the opposite sex.

When you’re meeting your sweetheart’s parents, pay close attention to how his father interacts with his mother (or to and about women in general if his mother is out of the picture due to divorce, separation, or death). Other than personal experience (i.e., divorce), a generally good predictor of a man’s attitude toward women is that of his father’s. Remember–like father, like son.

Chasing Pavements

We all know that marriages in the US have a survival rate of 50%.  The rate is even less for pre-marriage relationships.  With these kinds of relationships, the top reasons for failure are the following:

(1)  Misalignment of Expectations

(2)  Miscommunication

Miscommunication is self-explanatory and can be easily remedied over time.  Misalignment of expectations, however, can and will break a relationship from the very beginning.  What is a misalignment of expectations?  It’s expecting Italian sportscar performance when you are driving a lemon.  You’re going nowhere fast.  Either you accept the situation for what it is and be happy driving a lemon, or, you go out and get yourself a Lamborghini.

Back when I was still in the dating circuit, a friend of mine said, “Do not be afraid to stand up for what you need as a woman.”  I took the advice to heart and never looked back.  If a man isn’t able to provide you with what you need to be happy, do everyone a favor and move on.  You’ll thank yourself in the long run.

You’ve Got Personality

In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that you should seek a partner who is opposite of you in terms of personality and similar to you in terms of values.  This posts outlines four personality types.  Although we all have qualities from all four, most of us fall into one of the following categories:  Controller, Promoter, Analyst, and Supporter.

The Controller is a “do-er” and often the driving force within a relationship.  This person lives for the “here and now” and thrives on feeling like he/she has things under control.  CEOs of companies tend to be controllers.

The Promoter is a romantic at heart and has great ideas for the future.  He/she thrives on the feeling of importantance in his/her significant other’s life.

The Analyst is a someone who methodically sifts through information (data) prior to making any major decisions.  He/she thrives on feeling smart and that he/she has made the right decision on an issue.

The Supporter is naturally a people-pleaser and often the go-to person for advice as he/she is empathetic to others and their problems.  This person thrives on feeling needed and helpful in a relationship.

Romantically speaking, Controllers and Promoters generally do best with Analysts and Supporters (and vice versa).  The main idea is to pair up with someone who is your diagonal opposite.  With that said, don’t forget that this person also needs to have similar values and/or lifestyle.

Peas in a Pod

Once you have eliminated the time-wasters (TWs) and are dating only marriageble men, the next step is find someone with whom you are compatible.  This is where “chemistry” comes into play.  During this “narrowing down” process, the key is to focus on people who are opposite of you in terms of personality and similar to you in terms of values.  The reason for this is that you need to keep things interesting while living a mutually agreed upon lifestyle.  This is what I call “day-to-day compatibility”.  This is a must-have in order for a relationship to thrive.

Fish Where the Fishing’s Good

One thing that women undermine the importance of is the first action in dating–the selection process.

Lesson # 1:  Choose Wisely

To a certain extent, successful dating is a numbers game.  However, dating a million jerks will not yield to one marriageable man.  Just remember that in the selection process of dating, it’s more about quality versus quantity.  Assuming your ultimate goal is to marry the love of your life, only date marriageble men.  Whether you find dates using online services, setups from friends, or networking, your first priority is to separate the prospects from the suspects.

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