What's Love Got to Do With It?

A Guide to Modern Love

Archive for the tag “Women”

Date Like You Mean It

Hello, ladies (and gents).  I’ve noticed a trend among singles lately and it’s this:  people say that that they simply “don’t have the time to date”.  This brings me to the next rule:

Lesson # 17:  Date Like It’s Your Job

I say this because of the expression, “Your priorities shall reveal themselves.”  If getting married (or finding a lifetime companion) is a priority for you, act like it.  Schedule time for clubs, dates, and social outings into your agenda if you have to.  Also, let everyone you know in your social and professional circle that you are “single and looking to meet more people.”  Use the power of networking.  Work will still be there after you find The One.  Remember, no one on his/her deathbed wishes he/she spent more time at the office.

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Fight Like a Girl

A friend called last night and we discussed a fight she was having with her boyfriend.  From what I know about him, he’s an upstanding man and a “guy’s guy”.  Long story short, she mistakenly assumed that he was ignoring her when his phone was turned off (as he works in a classified environment that requires all phones to be turned off during work hours).  As I pointed out, ignoring someone is passive aggressive and, so far, this guy’s “fighting style” has never been catty or passive aggressive.  Also, people’s fighting styles are pretty consistent. Unless you’re dating and/or marrying someone of the same sex, the verdict is:

Lesson # 16:  Say No to Catty Men

Why?  Because one woman in the house is enough (again, unless you’re with someone of the same sex).  “Men” who are catty or passive aggressive are not really men.  Rather, they are boys in men’s bodies.  As a woman, you want (and need) someone who compliments you and is of generous heart (cattiness and pettiness are the opposite of being generous).  So, again, ladies–actions (or behaviors, in this case) do speak louder than words.  Keep your eyes open and observe and you shall receive your answer (as to whether he is worthy of your giving him the best years of your life).

Marriage First, Then Career

According to Penelope Trunk, women should focus on getting married first and then build a career:  “this means that it may make sense for men to work full-speed ahead on their career in their early twenties, but women cannot afford that.  Women need to make time in their lives to search for a mate in the same systematic, focused way that women have been searching for careers in their early twenties.  And don’t tell yourself you’re waiting until you know yourself better.  Getting to know yourself is a lifelong process, and after age twenty-five, waiting to get married won’t decrease your chance of divorce.  The good news here is that a large body of research shows that you will gain more happiness by being married than by having a good job.”  They key word here is “systematic”.  Remember that.  This brings us to our next guideline:

Lesson # 15:  Marriage Before Career

They say that hindsight is 20/20 and I must agree with her (in a general sense).  Although I doubt that if I had gotten married at age 25, it would have been with my soul mate.  Sometimes, there are exceptions.

New Year, New Paradigm

The New Year is upon us and many (including myself) have several resolutions to implement starting tomorrow.  With that said, I wanted to remind you that nothing in life worthwhile comes easy (as the saying goes, “No pain, no gain.”).  I find that the most difficult thing to implement isn’t so much as specific tasks but our attitudes.  Changing the mind is perhaps the most difficult thing one can do for himself.  And, with respect to dating and relationships, I challenge all of you to change your paradigm on interpersonal relationships.  Take inventory of all of your relationships (the meaningful ones as well as the not so meaningful ones) and clean house (as well as your mind, outlook, and attitude).  Take two of these and call me in the morning.  Here’s to a happy and healthy new year!

Secret to Happiness

Studies show that the secret of happiness is 48% genetics, 40% life events, and 12% choices.  Of the 12% (from choices), the things that make the most impact are family, faith, community, and work.  What does this mean for you in terms of finding Mr. (or Mrs. ) Right?  If you’re “naturally” an unhappy person, your choices (which may lead to your major life events) can make all the difference in terms of your happiness.  Food for thought.

About Time

Lesson # 14:  Be With Someone Who Won’t Give You Heartburn

Finding Mr. (or Mrs.) Right has another benefit–aging well.  According to an article in Psychology Today, marriage significantly affects the long-term happiness for women more so than men.  As such, one must be extremely choosy when selecting one’s partner for life.  Aging isn’t just a physical manifestation of one’s biological condition but also one’s state of mind.  So, gals (and guys), finding Mr. (or Mrs.) Right may just be the fountain of youth.

All in the Family

When it comes to dating, it’s best to meet your significant other’s parents (particularly father) early on in the relationship because as the saying goes, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”.

Fathers play an extremely important role in romantic relationships. How? Men learn how to be husbands from their fathers. Women learn about the type of men they want (or don’t want) from their fathers. As children, we watch and learn about male and female dynamics through our observations of mummy and daddy. Watching how dad treats mom (and other women) teaches a boy a lifetime of lessons on how to interact with the opposite sex.

When you’re meeting your sweetheart’s parents, pay close attention to how his father interacts with his mother (or to and about women in general if his mother is out of the picture due to divorce, separation, or death). Other than personal experience (i.e., divorce), a generally good predictor of a man’s attitude toward women is that of his father’s. Remember–like father, like son.

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