What's Love Got to Do With It?

A Guide to Modern Love

Archive for the tag “Relationships”

Date Like You Mean It

Hello, ladies (and gents).  I’ve noticed a trend among singles lately and it’s this:  people say that that they simply “don’t have the time to date”.  This brings me to the next rule:

Lesson # 17:  Date Like It’s Your Job

I say this because of the expression, “Your priorities shall reveal themselves.”  If getting married (or finding a lifetime companion) is a priority for you, act like it.  Schedule time for clubs, dates, and social outings into your agenda if you have to.  Also, let everyone you know in your social and professional circle that you are “single and looking to meet more people.”  Use the power of networking.  Work will still be there after you find The One.  Remember, no one on his/her deathbed wishes he/she spent more time at the office.

Fight Like a Girl

A friend called last night and we discussed a fight she was having with her boyfriend.  From what I know about him, he’s an upstanding man and a “guy’s guy”.  Long story short, she mistakenly assumed that he was ignoring her when his phone was turned off (as he works in a classified environment that requires all phones to be turned off during work hours).  As I pointed out, ignoring someone is passive aggressive and, so far, this guy’s “fighting style” has never been catty or passive aggressive.  Also, people’s fighting styles are pretty consistent. Unless you’re dating and/or marrying someone of the same sex, the verdict is:

Lesson # 16:  Say No to Catty Men

Why?  Because one woman in the house is enough (again, unless you’re with someone of the same sex).  “Men” who are catty or passive aggressive are not really men.  Rather, they are boys in men’s bodies.  As a woman, you want (and need) someone who compliments you and is of generous heart (cattiness and pettiness are the opposite of being generous).  So, again, ladies–actions (or behaviors, in this case) do speak louder than words.  Keep your eyes open and observe and you shall receive your answer (as to whether he is worthy of your giving him the best years of your life).

Junk in the Trunk

I’m not going to make this a “lesson” or “rule” but one thing I’ve observed through both experience and watching friends is that men who are medium to chubby to larger build tend to make better husbands.  Why?  They tend to be less judgmental and more accommodating.

Men who are very physically fit (especially those who are obsessed with looking the part and “gym rats”) tend to be more critical simply based on the fact they hold themselves to a higher standard of conventional-fit-appearance (being slim does not necessarily equal to being healthy but that’s another topic).  And, in turn, expect the same if not more from their partners.  Something to think about.

 

New Year, New Paradigm

The New Year is upon us and many (including myself) have several resolutions to implement starting tomorrow.  With that said, I wanted to remind you that nothing in life worthwhile comes easy (as the saying goes, “No pain, no gain.”).  I find that the most difficult thing to implement isn’t so much as specific tasks but our attitudes.  Changing the mind is perhaps the most difficult thing one can do for himself.  And, with respect to dating and relationships, I challenge all of you to change your paradigm on interpersonal relationships.  Take inventory of all of your relationships (the meaningful ones as well as the not so meaningful ones) and clean house (as well as your mind, outlook, and attitude).  Take two of these and call me in the morning.  Here’s to a happy and healthy new year!

Follow Through

It’s been quite awhile since I have updated this blog and wanted you all to know that I have not forgotten about you.  In addition to giving my sister and gal pals dating advice, I’ve also been busy with a few projects (details to come).  Without delay, here’s our next guideline.

Lesson # 13:  Follow Through on Promises and Threats

One of the cornerstones of maintaining relationships is one’s ability to consistently follow through on promises.  Whether it’s a mother following through on grounding a child for misbehavior or an office manager following through on firing an employee for unprofessional behavior, follow through is required for respect and credibility.  In other words, show that you mean business.  Doing this will minimize your being taken advantage of and foster a relationship based on mutual respect.

Act Your Age

When it comes to love, age is just a number.  However, when it comes to dating (most of the time), age may be a critical issue.  I say this because from my observations and personal experience, the following tends to hold true:

People who are non-marriageble and/or not marriage-ready should date women and men in their early 20s. 

Why?  The reason is simple.  The parties are brought together by circumstance.  A 50-year-old man who just finalized a nasty divorce is in no position to commit to any one.  He may want companionship, but getting re-married is the furthest thing from his mind.  Similarly, a college co-ed or a recently graduated woman in her early 20s is likely to not be on a “time line” with respect to marriage.  Her primary goal at this point in her life is to build a career.  Both people, at this time, agree that marriage is not a priority for them.  And so, the meeting of the minds (and bodies).

I am and have always been a proponent for May-December relationships.  Many cultures outside the US encourage them and/or think nothing of them.  For some reason, May-December relationships still remain a taboo in this country.  The bottom line:  if more people were to engage in relationships such as the above, the supply of marriageble men (and women) would then increase and meet the demand of those seeking the same.  Think of it as a social “food chain”.  In the wild, lions prey on zebra and other mammals to keep the population “in check”.  Therefore, if everyone (marriageble and non-marriageble) were to “do their part”, there would be more balance in the dating ecosystem.

What does this mean for you?  If you are non-marriageble and/or know people who fall into this category, it might help to know and spread the word that there are ways to go about dating that encourage mutual agreement on expectations and intent.

Chasing Pavements

We all know that marriages in the US have a survival rate of 50%.  The rate is even less for pre-marriage relationships.  With these kinds of relationships, the top reasons for failure are the following:

(1)  Misalignment of Expectations

(2)  Miscommunication

Miscommunication is self-explanatory and can be easily remedied over time.  Misalignment of expectations, however, can and will break a relationship from the very beginning.  What is a misalignment of expectations?  It’s expecting Italian sportscar performance when you are driving a lemon.  You’re going nowhere fast.  Either you accept the situation for what it is and be happy driving a lemon, or, you go out and get yourself a Lamborghini.

Back when I was still in the dating circuit, a friend of mine said, “Do not be afraid to stand up for what you need as a woman.”  I took the advice to heart and never looked back.  If a man isn’t able to provide you with what you need to be happy, do everyone a favor and move on.  You’ll thank yourself in the long run.

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