What's Love Got to Do With It?

A Guide to Modern Love

Archive for the tag “Opposites”

Fight Like a Girl

A friend called last night and we discussed a fight she was having with her boyfriend.  From what I know about him, he’s an upstanding man and a “guy’s guy”.  Long story short, she mistakenly assumed that he was ignoring her when his phone was turned off (as he works in a classified environment that requires all phones to be turned off during work hours).  As I pointed out, ignoring someone is passive aggressive and, so far, this guy’s “fighting style” has never been catty or passive aggressive.  Also, people’s fighting styles are pretty consistent. Unless you’re dating and/or marrying someone of the same sex, the verdict is:

Lesson # 16:  Say No to Catty Men

Why?  Because one woman in the house is enough (again, unless you’re with someone of the same sex).  “Men” who are catty or passive aggressive are not really men.  Rather, they are boys in men’s bodies.  As a woman, you want (and need) someone who compliments you and is of generous heart (cattiness and pettiness are the opposite of being generous).  So, again, ladies–actions (or behaviors, in this case) do speak louder than words.  Keep your eyes open and observe and you shall receive your answer (as to whether he is worthy of your giving him the best years of your life).

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You’ve Got Personality

In one of my previous posts, I mentioned that you should seek a partner who is opposite of you in terms of personality and similar to you in terms of values.  This posts outlines four personality types.  Although we all have qualities from all four, most of us fall into one of the following categories:  Controller, Promoter, Analyst, and Supporter.

The Controller is a “do-er” and often the driving force within a relationship.  This person lives for the “here and now” and thrives on feeling like he/she has things under control.  CEOs of companies tend to be controllers.

The Promoter is a romantic at heart and has great ideas for the future.  He/she thrives on the feeling of importantance in his/her significant other’s life.

The Analyst is a someone who methodically sifts through information (data) prior to making any major decisions.  He/she thrives on feeling smart and that he/she has made the right decision on an issue.

The Supporter is naturally a people-pleaser and often the go-to person for advice as he/she is empathetic to others and their problems.  This person thrives on feeling needed and helpful in a relationship.

Romantically speaking, Controllers and Promoters generally do best with Analysts and Supporters (and vice versa).  The main idea is to pair up with someone who is your diagonal opposite.  With that said, don’t forget that this person also needs to have similar values and/or lifestyle.

Peas in a Pod

Once you have eliminated the time-wasters (TWs) and are dating only marriageble men, the next step is find someone with whom you are compatible.  This is where “chemistry” comes into play.  During this “narrowing down” process, the key is to focus on people who are opposite of you in terms of personality and similar to you in terms of values.  The reason for this is that you need to keep things interesting while living a mutually agreed upon lifestyle.  This is what I call “day-to-day compatibility”.  This is a must-have in order for a relationship to thrive.

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